| summer's got trap doors and hidden suprises everywhere.. |
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| As of late I've been trying to draw the line between being understanding and patient and distinguishing that with being mistreated. It's hard for me to say that I can cleanly identify the case, which is why I feel the same discontent reoccuring from the past summer. I can't and won't deal with what I went through last summer yet to some extent I refuse to get off the horse and remain on the saddle. Is it starting out exactly teh way it did last year?? I'm not sure but I do notice I am feeling the same discomforts. I don't want to spend my vacation with my family consumed by my undying habit of waiting by the phone. The biggest question in my mind right now is, how can I know if this is how it will be for the rest of the summer? In retrospect it will be hard to walk away from her if this is what the summer foretells, however I was on the recieving end the previous year and its something I'm not willing to accept again. Someone once said, "Patience is a virtue." In my experience patience feels like accepting to be neglected. |
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| I've found out lately that sayin you realize that relationships require effort from both sides and ACTUALLY realizing it are two different things. I've spent a large portion of my life not in long term relationships, I feel like such a noob... and I've never realized how impatient I am. That's somethin that's gotta change in order for me to survive in this relationship. When I was single I didn't wait for anybody.. hell even when i dated girls I didn't wait on them, if they coudn't keep up with me then eventually I left. Now, I gotta wait and let sacrifice, respect, and compromise sit in.. I believe they are worth the wait.. |
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| So its gettin close to the end of this school year.. and most of my friends are graduating and Im happy for all my closest buds. its gettin harder and harder to put up with school.. and i eman everything about it.. i feel like i will be done with college too but i won't. the last couple days i've ran into my old friends whom i hung out with freshman year and it made me think about the good ole days with everyone around.. I really miss those days and I'd give a left nut to get em back.. but everyone else is so busy.
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| I need to find myself and no has come close except one which is already lost.. I owe so much to someone that doesn't want my favors. Searching for my soul can only be done by myself now.. when I find that woman that helps me find out who I am... then I know it's love.
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